Can I pray for you?

 Scott Morrison recently spoke at a Christian conference where he mentioned that, in the course of his duties as Prime Minister, he had surreptitiously engaged in the spiritual act of laying on of hands. Referring to a recent visit to the Pilbara in the aftermath of Cyclone Seroja, Prime Minister Morrison said, “I’ve been in evacuation centres where people thought I was just giving someone a hug and I was praying, and putting my hands on people … laying hands on them and praying in various situations.” One can’t be entirely sure what Mr Morrison understood this practice to mean, or what he hoped it would do, but it raises the question: At what point is someone’s consent required if we intend to impose our personal piety on them? I once went to a hairdresser who, after I mentioned I was a pastor, told me that when they washed people’s hair in the salon, that they, similarly, would be praying for their clients as their hands were laid upon their heads. In fact, they mentioned that they had done exactly that as my own head was leant back into the basin. While I was surprised to hear this, I didn’t feel violated by it. But if I’m completely honest, I was a little weirded out. It did give me reason to wonder, though, if I would have been upset if I had been touched and prayed for in such a way by someone of a different faith. Would I have felt violated then? It’s hard to know for sure with only a thought experiment, but it just goes to show the importance of asking for consent when it comes to involving someone personally and with physical intimacy in your practice of spirituality. Discouraging prayer is the last thing I would want to do. But praying for others, blessing them and touching them in a ritualistic way, can and should be given some thoughtful consideration before jumping right in. Certainly, there are those situations where the individual has clearly opted in, at least to be surrounded by, if not a participant in, a public or communal ritual. For instance, it would be reasonable to expect that someone attending a place of worship would understand that they are likely to hear prayers offered for all those gathered in the building. But then there are those religious or spiritual practices that occur privately and are more individually focused. What about them? Does one need to call a friend to ask permission before saying a quiet prayer for them? Does it make a difference if that person shares your faith or if they have a different religion? I imagine there will be readers who think these are good and worthy questions to ponder, while others will think I’ve veered into the ridiculous, and that you might as well then outlaw thinking warm thoughts about people! Perhaps it all comes down to disclosure and consent. Disclosure: If your bedtime prayers or warm thoughts for someone are kept to yourself, then, practically speaking, they can cause no offence, can they? But if, like our Prime Minister or that hairdresser, you disclose the fact of your involving someone in your piety, then you have to expect that it may not always be a welcome revelation. Unless one is sure the subject would welcome the revelation, it may be best to keep these things to oneself. Consent: In a setting that is more intimate than those more public opt-in ones, it is always best to ask for consent before even praying for someone. I can remember two occasions, one of them that even occurred since I was ordained to the ministry, on which I was offered prayer by fellow Lutherans and I declined. In those moments it would have been unwelcome and would have felt violating. How hard is it to ask? Simply put, it’s not. Five little words: Can I pray for you? •